GOURANGA! Forums

[Off Topic] Minecraft. 56k pwnt lol

Inky — 2012-05-19T03:14:09+01:00

Here is Ameers latest project:

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Also we have a link here to a real-time map of the server we play on.

[Off Topic] Minecraft. 56k pwnt lol

Disco — 2012-05-17T04:05:04+01:00

You're all a bunch of fucking faggot jews.

[Off Topic] Minecraft. 56k pwnt lol

Inky — 2012-05-17T01:12:36+01:00

I felt this was relevant:

[Off Topic] At The Movies with Touge and Mandrain

Maindrian — 2012-05-13T22:17:15+01:00

ERASER

Make this the fourth movie I've seen in a month where somebody gets framed with their gun.

It's a movie of two halves I feel. On the one hand, it's a really, really, dry spy thriller with a woefully miscast Arnie introduced as a super secret witness protection specialist. He's a stealthy ninja, who barks quick and concise orders and gets the job done. In short, don't buy it, wrong bloke for the job. There's a lot of computer gubbins going on, tonnes of scenes of fairly staid, lifeless corporate espionage. The moment our leading lady came on screen, the first thing Touge said was "She's a Terminator" and he's got a point. She's completely synthetic, the actress putting in a really, really uninterested performance. What irritates me most about her is her hair.

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I really cant quite place it. Something's up with that do. I think it might be the odd little tuft in the center of her forehead. It's the hairline of a prematurely balding 27 year old.

So, the first hour is just plot. Plot and really, really uninteresting action scenes. Even the introduction of SUPER RAIL GUN fails to really move things along. Then something happens. Arnie falls out of a plane, has a gun fight with the plane or something, drops out of the sky and gets into a charming bit of banter with some kids. From this point on, the movie is quite watchable, thanks in no small part to these guys.

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I want to hang out with these thugs. You see, Judge Dredd, this is how you do comic relief.

At times, the latter half reminds me of Raw Deal which is fine (it's my all time favourite lightweight Arnie actioner), the problem is, it highlights how I'd much rather be watching that movie instead. Things get shot up, exploded, etc. Arnie gets pinned down. Things look bleak and then...

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FUCK.
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YES.
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"'RAILGUN MUZZAFACKA, DIS IS DE ARNIE YOU KNOW UND LOVE."

So, it's daft. It's serious. It's both. James Caan and his incredible melty wierd face are in it. James Coburn is in it. It's not good. It's got some good moments, but this is firmly lower rung Arnie. Not quite awful enough to sit with his kiddie movie offerings, not quite awesome enough to sit with Commando and Raw Deal. Sadly, this is close bedfellows to yawnfests like Collateral Damage and End of Days, despite a few bright spots.

I'll leave Touge to talk about the bloody crocodiles.

Touge yelps: "Eraser is a bloody strange one. It starts off with being the one of the most dull, plodding "action" films I can imagine. Timecop actually started to look good in comparison. They play it straight, yet expect you to believe some absolutely ridiculous shootouts on a par with Raw Deal (except without being fun). Bar some lousy CGI crocodiles, nothing of note, I was dozing off. Then something incredible happens. He meets a gang of genuinely lovable Italian mobsters of the traditional "GET DA HELL OUTTA HERE" sort and the film suddenly comes out of its ugly cocoon, revealing a beautiful butterfly. Finally you see that it was worth sitting through a thousand shots of that woman's wiry wig-like hair and a miscast Arnie attempting to be a slick spy whilst using his hit catchphrase "GRARARGGGH". The mafia start arguing with people about "non-union labour" and shoot things, then Arnie ends up with TWO railguns and blasts everything to hell. Then he parks a limo in the path of a train. If the rest of the film was like the last third, we'd be looking at one of the very best Arnie films ever made. Shame."

[Off Topic] At The Movies with Touge and Mandrain

That Shit Touge — 2012-05-13T21:09:15+01:00

So then we decided to move onto the hit 80s action classic Murphy's Law, in which a very old Bronson basically plays the same guy he does in all the other Cannon productions. 80s Bronson is basically just an angry old man, but that's alright by me. In this one he's a cop who doesn't play by the rules, called Jack Murphy.

Murphy's Law gets going very quickly, in that Bronson starts screaming "HEY, THAT'S MY CAR" about one minute in, just as some bird steals it and almost immediately crashes it through a restaurant window. This is our introduction to our other main character, the beautiful acceptable Arabella (seriously?).

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Soon follows a long and pointless explanation of what Murphy's Law is (anything can go wrong, will), although in this film it supposedly means "Don't fuck with Jack Murphy". Then there's a load of him being miserable, drinking heavily and sitting alone in titty bars. Then some mad woman turns up and frames him for murdering his ex-wife, he gets locked up surprisingly quickly for a cop, then he escapes, handcuffed to this Arabella bird. Who proceeds to insult him a lot, with some very off-the-cuff sounding remarks such as "dinosaur dork" and "scrotum cheeks". Zany madcap things happen, including numerous unfeasible explosions. Then the sexual tension ramps up, leading to this...

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BRONSON DOESN'T LIKE YOUR SANDWICHES. Seriously though, the film relies on some strangely shoehorned-in sexual tension which seems slightly off-putting considering the 40 year age gap. Then there's a big showdown in the Bradbury Building, just like Blade Runner, which is strange and novel at the same time. Overall it's a bit of a crap film even for Cannon-era Bronson, but it does feel like a live-action version of GTA or something what with all the silly thefts and shootouts. Still, it's worth it for Bronson being incredibly emotional about his sandwich.

Maindrian mutters: "I enjoyed this. I mean it's obviously a total load of old crap that feels like it was edited together with a pair of hedgetrimmers and some masking tape, but it's got quite a bit of charm to it. This being mid-80's Bronson, you can expect the usual fare of brutality, violence towards women (including one incredibly shocking hostage execution in a scene that feels like it was barely related to the plot at all) and glum quips from our joyous leading man. He ticks off all the usual cliches in the first ten minuites. The drinking, the divorce, the drinking, LOOSE CANNON MAVERICK chief chatter, the drinking, etc. The sexual tension Touge mentioned doesn't go anywhere thankfully, as Bronson and his "foul mouthed" sidekick make for quite a charming couple, but only in a father/daughter kind of way. For all its faults and hackneyed scenes (I swear this is the third film I've seen in a month where a cop is framed for murder using his gun), I did care towards the end. There's one overly dramatic "NOOOOOOO!" that I felt was well earned. Not toss."

[Off Topic] At The Movies with Touge and Mandrain

Dan Wei — 2012-05-13T04:16:55+01:00

Haha!

The cars were the best thing in that movie, honestly how futuristic is a massive box on wheels!

[Off Topic] At The Movies with Touge and Mandrain

Maindrian — 2012-05-13T04:00:49+01:00

TIMECOP.

I picked this one because it sits right in the sweet spot of mid-90's action clag. It was inexplicably popular at the time, despite, to my eyes, the incredible lameness. This is going to be hard to write about as it's such a forgettable wet fart of a film.

The movie begins on a promising note. A man walks into a big, stately, empty room and starts talking to some people at a table. He's explaining the plot. He does this for a good couple of minuites. Because, you know, action. One of these people is the baddie. You can tell he's the baddie because he's got a beard and he looks like Ron Silver and every time it cuts to him, the angle is menacing and the music goes all "OOOOOH, LOOK A BAD GUY".

I'm not even going to try and explain the plot from here on out. It makes little sense and the logistics of it are broken beyond belief. Short synopsis. Ron Silver fucks with time. Van Damme is a time... Ugh. Cop. Stops him. Then fucks with time to bring his dead wife back. There's a whole lot of broken shit regarding the mechanics of this and it's not presented in any way that helps you make sense of it. All of this would be fine if the action sequences are good, but they're not. One takes place in a steam and exploding barrel factory. The other takes place in and around an unlit house during a rainstorm. Considering they had the canvas of all of time and space to play about in, that's a bit of a slap in the face.

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Welcome to the last half an hour of the film. I think that's Van Damme. It could be a baddie. WHO KNOWS.

The lady sidekick turns evil. This is never explained. Ever. She just does.

All in all, the future of 2004(!) doesn't seem that futuristic. There's slats on all the windows. "That'll do," says the designer. No sir, we need something more. We need... FUTURE CARS.

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They're the real stars of this movie. Look at those fucking things.

What this movie really needed was for Doc Emmett Brown to come in with a blackboard and start scratching the timelines out, because I couldn't make sense of any of it. I don't think they cared wether it made sense or not. The science sucks out loud. The villain is defeated by being made to touch his past self, which means he turns into a puddle of sick or something. Because "the same cells cannot occupy the same space" or some insipid bullshit like that. We shed cells all the time. Think about it.

Touge Mumbles: "Timecop is so forgettable, I had to look at some pictures of it to remind me what even happened - and I only watched it the other day. This is one of those films which gets a bit panicky about how much progress there's going to be in the near-future - the film came out in 1994 and the future bits are set in 2004, somehow in that time we move to driving slatty cars with bits of crap stuck to them. Luckily for the set designers, that's the only change, all the warehouses and barrel factories are exactly as they were in 1994. Also it practically opens with a boring boardroom meeting which takes ages - ACTION FILM! The plot and timelines thing is just a great big mess and it's full of holes. At least you don't have to look at the last bit of the film, because it's just a dark blue/black blur. A crock of shit!"

[Off Topic] Minecraft. 56k pwnt lol

Dan Wei — 2012-05-13T03:30:09+01:00

Whilst I am slagging this game off i can see the appeal of it in a lego sort of why, which is probably why I've invested equal amounts of wasted time into Dwarf Fortress...

[Off Topic] At The Movies with Touge and Mandrain

Dan Wei — 2012-05-13T03:22:52+01:00

I can agree about the movie being a pile of poo, but I cannot for the life of me dislike that robot. I get a powerful lust for animatronicss in films (which is part of the reason I enjoy The Thing and Total Recall so much).

However I like this idea of a movie fest so you and Mandy should shout me up next time you're doing one.

[Off Topic] At The Movies with Touge and Mandrain

That Shit Touge — 2012-05-13T03:04:20+01:00

Hello, non-Texans! Me and Mandrain like to watch a good film, but then we also like to watch a not particularly great film as well. Luckily, Youtube has loads of full-length films put on it for everyone to enjoy! The general rule of thumb is that we select things that one of has seen and the other hasn't, or something we faintly remember seeing at the time which wasn't very good.

JUDGE DREDD was the first film "feast", in that it was one that we both remember seeing at some point and both thought it was a bit balls.

And it is still balls. Basically you're meant to think Dredd is really cool, but he's just a bit of a cretin. Also, you're meant to somehow like the police, even though they're all arseholes. And 90% of the film takes place either within a locker room or a scaled-down bit of Blade Runner. Except for when it's in the BORING desert. And there's a dumb robot throughout the whole thing, plus Rob Schneider as some kind of comic relief character who hates Dredd yet inexplicably stays with him for the rest of the film. And the whole thing is really incoherent and relies on a load of boardroom meetings to explain what's going on. It's DULL.

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God, that robot was so SHIT. Maybe you should watch it yourself and find out, alternatively just spend all day looking at pictures of girls on Google Image Search and watching repeats of Strike It Rich.

Maindrian Sez: "Alright, this was a bit shit. As Touge said, Dredd is a bit of a cretin, but not in the cool way of the comics, where he's a faceless, deliberately unlikable Nazi bootboy. Here, we're meant to be rooting for him as he kills his cop mates and (this really annoyed me), calls them 'Scum'. This movie suffers from the worst scenes of powerful people sitting around tables, talking politics and science and it's just dull incarnate. It just doesn't feel like a coherent piece of cinema, more a bunch of random designs and scenes tossed at a film in the flimsy hope of some of it sticking.

Ian Dury is the beating heart and living soul of this film. Ian Dury dies pointlessly after about thirty seconds screen time. That really says it all."