#1 2015-12-22 18:10:15

[deleted]
Still MOD-elect
From: ur mom xD
Registered: 2013-09-07
Posts: 390
Website

STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

BB8 was an annoyance. Not nearly as much so as JarJar, BUT WHY THEY HELL COULDN'T THEY JUST PUT THE DAMNED THING IN A CLOSET! "Hey BB8, the entire galactic Empire is looking for you, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL AROUND IN PUBLIC AND MAKE YOURSELF OBVIOUS!!!!"

But on that, WHAT THE EFF IS THE FIRST ORDER?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPIRE????

Storm Troopers are clones, right? How the fuck is a clone stolen from his family?!

HOW FUCKING LAZY is ANOTHER super Death Star?! How about how quickly this plot progressed? IT WAS SO EASY FOR ANYONE TO DO ANYTHING. There was no challenge. Oh shit, the most powerful force in the Universe hollowed out AN ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET and can now EXPLODE FIVE OTHER PLANETS AT ONCE TIME. But don't worry, it's like five minutes of pretty easy work to disable all the shields ever and now we can blow up the planet-death-star.

ALSO. ALSO. ALSO. Why the EFF does the Empire keep blowing up planets? I can understand destroying ONE WORLD that is HARBORING A REBEL ALLIANCE to SEND A MESSAGE, but yeah let's just DESTROY A PLANET EVERY FEW SECONDS - THAT'S COOL. We'll GALACTICALLY REIGN OVER EMPTY SPACE AND FLOATING SPACE DUST.

That being said, the space chase scenes were fantastically filmed. I really, really loved the rotting star destroyer in the desert and I liked seeing the aging, well-worn Millennium Falcon and I wish both of these things had been explored more.

About the same time we learned that the main bad guy (Sith thing with the mask and hood?) was Solo's son I realized this was a literal rehash of the original trilogy's story, crushed into one installment instead of three, with a CNTRL+F of "Luke" and "Vader" and "Empire" changed to 'Kylo', 'Solo' and 'First Order', etc etc. Avoiding complaining about the obvs retconning necessary to make any of this make sense, it just seemed like really lazy, pump-and-dump writing. Sure, this is a franchise and not recorded history, but I'd like something as historically significant as Star Wars to be given a modicum of effort. At the very least, spanning a re-hash over more than one movie would have made for a better experience - like how the FUCK did Luke's female analog just ALL OF A SUDDEN know how to force-summon a lightsaber? How did R2-D2 wake the hell up after THIRTY GODDAMNED YEARS?! Spend some time, give me some suspense - and then I wouldn't even mind a re-write.

There are other things that I like. Humanizing the storm troopers was interesting (clone family thing aside). Han Solo keeping up with his smuggling was cool. I'd like to have see some smuggling stories! Keeping the blue lightsaber lore around was neato, too.

But all that aside - THE FUCK WAS UP WITH MARK HAMILL ONLY BEING IN THERE FOR LIKE THIRTY SECONDS! We already know Harrison Ford won't be back, it'd have been cool to see him more.

THOUGHTS


tonymanero-1.gifTICJHg8.giftonymanero-1.gif

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#2 2015-12-23 10:49:10

deeepthroatgta6
Member
Registered: 2012-07-05
Posts: 442

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

Alright, the movie sucked. There weren't even enough bouncing boobs ffs.

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#3 2015-12-23 12:35:53

Fragdieb2
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Registered: 2003-03-24
Posts: 1,899

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

deeepthroatgta6 wrote:

Alright, the movie sucked. There weren't even enough bouncing boobs ffs.

For bouncing boobs, rather try this version:


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#4 2015-12-23 12:41:44

deeepthroatgta6
Member
Registered: 2012-07-05
Posts: 442

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

Well, co-incidentally, I did torrent it 15 minutes after I made that post.

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#5 2015-12-23 17:55:39

Fragdieb2
Avatar is missing!
Registered: 2003-03-24
Posts: 1,899

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

Spoiler: Chewbaccas little "wookie" is kind of disappointing smile


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#6 2015-12-24 15:44:42

Maindrian
Second Place Gaymo
Registered: 2003-02-18
Posts: 3,064

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

Christ. Never talk about movies again, it was a great fucking ride.

AAAAAAH, GOTTA PICK IT APART IN ALL CAPS THO, AAAAAAH, WHY IS IT LIKE A STAR WARS, OMG

If you want to look at it on a cynical level, the movie is everything it needed to be; A greatest hits package and an introduction to new characters, for new and old audiences alike. Not a problem if it succeeds and it totally does. There's enough new to counteract the old and it's all done with wit and energy and love. I really, really want more of Finn, Rey and Poe, they're all fun and I rooted for them. Fun! BB-8 was the great too, you'd have to be a proper grumpy fucker to say otherwise. Might actually be the first Star Wars movie in the entire series where I've actually proper laughed at the funny bits.

The true test is where Abram's similar reboot of Star Trek fell on its arse; Now the introductions are out of the way, can the follow up head off into new and interesting areas, or will it simply regurgitate? Given they hired Rian Johnson to direct it, I'm pretty hopeful. Guy can make a dark, weighty, visually interesting film.

Compare TFA to what I've heard of Jurrassic World, which is supposed to be quite an unlikable "Hey remember this? HERE IT IS AGAIN." affair and sounds like it somehow has worse sexual politics than a film that came out in 1994. I'll find out if that's true soon, somebody got me the blu-ray for Christmas. Cunts.

Oh and the score is ace.

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#7 2016-01-10 06:42:53

scully
designated drinker
From: Kalifornia
Registered: 2003-02-19
Posts: 7

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

Thought Ben was a son of Luke. Or did Disney completely fuck up Lucas's original story?

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#8 2016-01-11 18:55:18

Maindrian
Second Place Gaymo
Registered: 2003-02-18
Posts: 3,064

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

I assume you're on about some Expanded Universe bullshit, which Lucas had nothing to do with. Rightly so, it all fucking stunk. Was delighted when Disney declared it all non-canon.

Except Knights of the Old Republic II, that's still canon. It's still canon.

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#9 2016-01-28 03:09:17

ameer
cunt smasher!
Registered: 2003-02-23
Posts: 3,172

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

Well I hated it. It committed the worst crime of all, being generic.


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#10 2016-01-28 04:44:36

Maindrian
Second Place Gaymo
Registered: 2003-02-18
Posts: 3,064

Re: STARS WARRING: THE FORCE FUCKS OFF (warning mega SPOILERZ)

OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND.

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